What it Takes to Stand
by trina-twilightfreak
Summary: "I want to be your first and your last dance." Bella watches the world unfold through her window until someone unexpected passed by.
1. Chapter 1

**~ WHAT IT TAKES TO STAND ~**

**A/N: Hi guys! I've been meaning to write something outside my comfort zone for a while now and I came up with this. Finally, a Rated M story. I hope I could deliver something up par with your expectations.**

**I give this story a Rated M because I wanted to try something new. I've always loved reading challenging stories where the characters are old enough and wise enough. It makes me feel that I'm reading something from reality.**

**Please enjoy and tell me what you think.**

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******~ WHAT IT TAKES TO STAND ~**

**"Courage is __****what it takes to stand** up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen." - Winston Churchill

**Chapter 1: The Attentive Passer-by**

Here we go again. Another day of embracing the wafts and scent of the deck of papers, the aroma of freshly bought coffee from Starbucks, the scratching sound of the pen and paper collision, the tikkkity-tackkity of every pressed key from the computer keyboard and every clicking of the mouse, and the continuous buzzing of the telephone. Another day of senseless, tedious work. Another day that needs to conclude as early as it started.

I observe everything from where I sit. I know that Mike hovering over Jessica's workload and telling her her errors was just an opportunity for him to stare voraciously at her fake boobs for a long period of time. I know that Jessica has been secretly and discreetly sending Eric provocative messages from her personal e-mail in between Mike's lectures. I know that Eric, the stud that the people think he is, is secretly having an affair with Tyler, who is an open gay. I know that shy Angela Webber, with her awkwardness, sharp eyeglasses and demure make-up, is once again blushing from her reading of erotica novel wedged in between her lap.

I could tell what happens to everybody, and what all their secrets are. This is the power of having no life, and absolutely nothing to do but stare.

I looked to my left as the glass of the ground-floor office building revealed to me the world, as it always does. I like watching how people interact throughout the day. There's always that someone who looked like she had just been intimate with someone else the night before as she wears her smile, with her bedraggled look, like no other; There's that someone always on the phone who is considering his career his only lover and his wife; That someone who seemed sharp but had that hooded eyes consuming all her thoughts, which most of the time is central on her difficulties; That someone who makes the streets catwalk – assured of her allure against the opposite sex; That someone who is drooling over her; That someone who looked like lost in love; That someone who looked like beaten from love…

I could go on and on about the things that I see. All the colors, all the buzzle, all the miniscule details that other people generally overlook. Again, the power of having no life and nothing better to do.

I sensed Mike's arrival and tried to look sharp.

"Miss Swan, I want you to finish all the E-News for the day before lunch."

"I thought that was Jessica's job?" I knew his answer before he even says it.

"Jessica – you know how she could be." He shakes his head. "I don't want another error on the recapitulation. I'll tell her to do it tomorrow instead. She's currently preoccupied with correcting her errors yesterday. I tell you – that girl has a brain but doesn't know what to do with it."

"Okay Mike. I'll send it to you before lunch."

"That's my girl. I knew I could always count on you."

He pats my shoulder and very inconspicuously skimmed his hand on my right breast as he withdraws it. I tensed. I always do. And always pretended it didn't happen. He strolled away with that perverted smile.

I took a sip of my Black coffee before I concentrated at my computer screen. I began to scroll all the news related to our company that Jessica always is exempted to do.

At lunch, I took out my packed sandwich. If I could list the things that I hated to do, at the top would be to know that Mike's roaming lecherous eyes are settled on me, and the second would be to go to the office canteen together with the other employees. I could at least tolerate Mike's eyes for a minute before I shiver. However, the other people's eyes…

I cringed.

Taking one bite of the Tuna sandwich, I settled my eyes on my window again. I would always be thankful of the day Magee decided that she'd had enough of the mundane office life we have and quit, pirated to another company. I now have her former place, which gives me the view of the street. Observing people from the outside, not interacting with them, gives me the opportunity to while away time – a time that at least isn't any more invested on taking pity at myself.

I settled my eyes on a tall blond girl who have legs that could go for miles. She was one of those catwalk people. A lump in my throat formed once more as I observe her. I grind my teeth. _Not again, Isabella Swan._

Taking my eyes from her, I scanned the streets to look for my next subject of musings – that is, until they lead me to _him_. My breath hitched.

There's always that someone who exudes unworldly pull wherever they would go. This person is one of them. Tall, reddish-brown hair, good build, he definitely takes the crowd's attention. A few people stopped on their tracks just to watch him. He was on a business suit, flattened to his shape.

Whenever I see people like him, I wonder how perfect their life must have been. They wouldn't worry how to interact with other people, nor think of ways just to get someone else's interest – things that I would rather die alone for than attempt to do.

Just when I am assured that I am an invisible observer, his eyes landed to me. He blinked twice. I did too. Shocked, I snapped my head away from him. My heart drummed. I felt blood leave my face. I tentatively fidget over my lunch. He couldn't possibly be looking at me still…

I drew my eyes to him again. He was still staring at me. His eyes were like hawk's, also observing me the way I observe other people. I tensed more. It was like I was discovered as a peeping tom. And then, his attention diverted on his pants' pocket. He drew out a phone and held it to his ears. I took that opportunity to hide myself with the computer monitor. I didn't look towards him for the next minute. When I finally convinced myself to at least take a glimpse of him, he was gone. I can't explain how relived I felt at that moment.

"There you are, as always." For the first time in a long time – maybe even my life – I jumped at someone's uncalculated presence. I always sense whenever people would be near me. The stranger outside momentarily took my composure away.

"Are you alright? It's like you've seen a ghost." Mike looked a bit concerned.

"Yes. I'm fine. What is it?"

"Well, I was just about to say that I received your e-mail on the e-news. Thanks. Also, the CEO wanted a speech written for him about his fundraising activity tomorrow. I want you to write it. I'll send you the details about it."

I was only capable of nodding.

"That's it. Thank you." Perplexed, he headed away. I released all the tension from my body and slumped on my seat.

The day finished the way it usually does. However, the striking handsome guy didn't escape my thoughts even as I drew my blanket over my body that night.

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**A/N: What do you think of the pilot chapter? Please leave your reviews below.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank your for your responses. Enjoy the next chapter and don't forget to tell me what you think about it so far.**

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**~WHAT IT TAKES TO STAND~**

**Chapter 2: There He was Again**

The crowd was watching me: their eyes a mixture of disgust, pity and taciturn. I tried – desperately – to escape them but the spotlight was trained on me. My breathing started to be jagged. My palms become sweaty. I tentatively fidget while biting my lip, drained of color. I tried once again to escape. Laughter ensued when I failed. Everyone was laughing. Tears brimmed in my eyes.

I woke up with a loud gasp.

Calming my erratic heart, I stroked my face, trying to dispel my nightmare. A few minutes followed before I finally was a bit stable. The cold sweat on my hairlines and my back drenches me. Through the darkness of my room, I scanned my surroundings in search of my bedside clock. The neon light revealed three-fifteen in the morning. It was still too early to rise. I decided to get a glass of water instead and to try after at least fifteen minutes to come back to bed.

My workplace was still the same when I arrived early in the morning. The quiet rumble of employees coming-in in our department screams of another day of monotony. I took my usual place and booted my computer. Taking a sip of my freshly bought Starbucks coffee, I organize my things. I'm always thankful of drive-thrus.

The bleached-blond hair of Jessica standing in front my cubicle made me turn to her.

"Hi Swan."

"Hi," I greeted back, perplexed why she was talking to me.

"Do you know that someone new will come here in our department next week?" She had a thin voice which sounded like a teenage girl.

"Yes. Mike did tell me that in passing last week. Why?"

"I heard he was sort of the son of our CEO and wanted to gain experience on all their floors before rising to the top."

"That's good then." I was still confounded why she was relaying me this.

"You know I'm sure the guy would probably be a rich bastard pampered by his daddy who looks like a jackass mixed with stupid goofy look."

"We can't say that for sure. We hadn't seen him yet."

She pursed her lips; eyeing me like saying I was no fun.

"Well, I was just saying. Anyway, nice blouse."

I looked down at my dark blue camisole and blushed. Why is this girl being all nice to me?

And then I looked back at her and saw on her eyes those emotions again – pity, yes, she was eyeing me with pity. I winced.

"I'll have a small celebration on my moving in to another apartment tonight. Would you like to come?"

I gulped – nervousness consuming me again at the thought of mingling with people. In a small voice, I whispered "I'm sorry. I'll be busy later. M-my dad will be coming this night." It was a lie that even I could hear the falseness.

Again, those eyes revered me.

"Okay. I hope you'll have a goodnight." We both smiled small. She let me be and had a chat with Eric who was just coming then.

My computer was fully booted now. I opened my work e-mail to read the news sent to all employees for the day. There was congratulation on last week's meet goal, a few reminders in using the company properties, etc, etc. At the fifth e-mail, there was one designated by Mike only to our Information System Department, detailing the arrival of our new employee. None of it contained all the information Jessica was saying about him being the son of the "big boss", however Mike did say that we should act normal around him AT ALL COST and give him the same treatment we do to our co-workers. It doesn't need a genius to infer that Jessica's claims were indeed true.

I glanced towards my favorite spot – the window revealing the streets outside – to look for my next subject of musings.

There. It was at that time, when I was about to observe the world outside yet again, that my eyes landed to someone. Suddenly, a pair of emerald eyes was boring unto me.

It was him. Again. From yesterday. Looking intently at me.

My eyes opened wider.

He was standing directly across from me outside, looking fresh and clean-shaven in the morning, with his office suit. A look of deep melting emeralds regards me.

As a knee-jerk reaction, I snapped my head away from him. My heart started to drum. Again.

A few scattered breaths later, I carefully eyed him again. He was still there – still observing me. I could only stare wide-eyed. Fractionally, his lips lifted into a small smile. His eyes were alight with humor. _He was laughing at me!_

What best to do now? I was not just imagining it. He did, indeed, notice me yesterday, and today, he was proving my suspicions correct. I wasn't invisible. I was caught looking at the world where all I only wanted was to be a casual observer.

Still with his amused smile, he slowly lifted his right hand for a small wave.

What do I do now? Do I wave back? It seems like all I could do was to stare.

He angled his head to the side, as if encouraging me to acknowledge him. Tentatively, I lifted my right hand. And of course, I hit my coffee.

The cup flew in front of me and landed to a pool at the floor. A clattering sound echoed as the collision transpired. Instantly, my co-workers were alerted to my clumsiness. Deeply blushing, I leaned forward to retrieve the spilled cup of coffee. Through all these, I knew that my co-workers were eyeing me. And I knew that they knew that they shouldn't react anything. It was a bit depressing to know how much I am not normal.

When I was able to get the cup, I looked back to the handsome passer-by. He was still there. He saw the whole scene. He was now trying hard to contain his laugh.

That was the most normal reaction out of the situation, unlike the quiet reaction of my co-workers. For the first time in a long time, I felt like smiling a genuine one. And so I did, to the amusement of the man outside. I rolled my eyes at him. His smile grew.

"Miss Swan."

I flinched. Again, I did not notice Mike's arrival. And again, he was perplexed at my reaction.

"Yes, Mike?"

"Are you finished with the report on the perception of the media people on our company?"

"I'm working on it," I mumbled.

"Good. I need it before the day ends." And by that, he headed away without all his usual shenanigans whenever he would come to my cubicle. I breathed a relief.

The moment Mike was out of my sight, I looked back to the man outside. Only, he was gone. I looked for him across the street but he wasn't anywhere there. I couldn't understand the disappointment that soon followed.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you for your feed-backs. I love this chapter and hope you'll do too. Enjoy and please leave your reviews.**

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**~WHAT IT TAKES TO STAND~**

**Chapter 3: Reality Kicking the Ass**

By Saturday morning, the thought of the handsome stranger waving at me from outside the office has been pushed to the back of my mind. My focus was now on what the day has installed for me. I dreaded it with venom but was looking forward to it all the same.

I arrived at the usual time on my appointment with Dr. Brandon. Her assistant exchanged few pleasantries with me before she ushered me to see my doctor, who had just finished her lunch.

"How do you do, Bella?" Dr. Brandon asked the moment I situated myself in front of her table. At late twenties, she still looked like a fresh graduate. She isn't one of those typical doctors wearing their friendly smiles, but has on watchful eyes and is formal in composure. On the contrary, she is bubbly, energetic and overly-friendly. And small.

"I'm good."

She moved to sit at one of her couches. I adjusted my sit to face her.

"Tell me about your whole month," she says as she threw me a bar of snickers. I chuckled. She is always like this.

In between eating the chocolate she gave me, I relayed to her my boring month. All the while, she was eyeing me with keen observation. However, when I mentioned my very brief encounter with the "stranger man" – as I settled to call him – her eyes sparked interest and a small smile kept playing on her lips.

"So, this stranger guy – did you have a chance to talk to him yet?"

I laughed without humor. "Dr. Brandon –"

She rolled her eyes. "Come on Bella, just call me Alice. What am I – a stranger?"

I smiled. "Alice, you know my situation. I can't just strike up a conversation with him and say, 'hi there handsome. Want to go out with a crippled girl like me?'"

"Why not? Bella, it's just your lack of self-confidence that's in the way here. He seemed interested enough to wave at you. Initiate a talk."

She and I both know that it isn't just my self-esteem which is the issue. "He never visited since Tuesday. And he was just a passer-by." I shrugged.

She gave me one of her irritated, pouty look. I chuckled.

"All right then. Let's proceed to the basic Q and A. You know how these works."

She launched to her usual routine of questions where I answer the first thing that comes into my mind. This time, she took notes.

Even though Alice is probably the person I'm most open about, I can't still confide to her, even until now. But she never gives up, which is why I liked her and stick to her as my doctor. Pathetic, yes, that the only person I could call closest to me happens to be my shrink.

On Monday, the buzz of the new addition to our department was making every employee on alert. By now, news of him as the CEO's son has been a wildfire gossip. My co-workers seemed to be dreading to have a spoiled, rich fresh graduate to work with them. I can't say I blame them.

"Gather round guys." Mike said to all of us. I was glad he was near my cubicle so I wouldn't have to exert myself to join my co-workers.

"Mr. Cullen will be here in a short while. I hope you could welcome him warmly and teach him all that he needs to know. You all know by now that he is the CEO's son. Don't make him feel as an outsider just because he is. Act normal."

By then, the much talked about CEO's son finally arrived. My co-workers adjusted their eyes to him the same moment that I did. But none could compete to the shock I felt at that moment.

"Guys, meet Mr. Edward Anthony Cullen," Mike introduced him and blabbered things probably about him. I should have been paying attention but couldn't.

_No. This can't be true. No. No. NO._ _He can't be the same handsome stranger that I just met the last week? No way! _I kept shouting at my head.

Words. Edward was saying words. I couldn't comprehend them. He was smiling kindly as he says words, trying to charm the pants off my co-workers. I couldn't hear a word he says. I was panicking. And sweating.

He looked towards me and I snapped out of it. When his emerald eyes met mine, I hurriedly looked down. My eyes remained casted down the entire time introductions were made.

Mike was mid-sentence when his assistant called for him and says he has an important meeting. Groaning, he nodded and told her that he'll be there shortly.

"Seems like I can't give you the tour to this department myself. But I'm sure my other staff can handle it." He paused briefly. I was still looking down.

"How about Miss Swan?"

_What?! _I jerked my head up to shoot Mike daggers. He flinched.

"Err, probably not her. Jessica, why don't you assist him then?"

Jessica was only too willing to do as she was bid. I should be happy that Mike changed his mind but the confusing thing is that this turn of events made me feel like I was tasting rust.

Edward was being given the tour to our cubicles by Jessica, saying who's who and their functions. By this time, he was already briefed onto the department's main function. With half the staff on the Multimedia Team, and the other half on us, the Press Relations Team, he was made to choose which team he would spend the first of his week. Of course, the fool has to choose my team.

"And this is Isabella Swan. She's mostly doing the writings in PRD while I go to Press Conferences and such. Angela and Eric pretty much does both field and print but Swan stays on print."

Edward's eyes landed on mine. My immediate panic attack kicked in. His eyes had on that pretty little sparks that makes me squirm in my sit. God, he's hot, especially up-close.

"I'm glad to finally meet you Miss Swan." He smiled his panty-melting smile. I internally fanned myself.

"How do you do?" I managed and timidly smiled.

Jessica was perplexed. "You know each other?"

"Yes. We were greeting buddies, right, Miss Swan?" Edward smiled knowingly. I couldn't help but mine to grow at the knowledge that he does remember me.

_Heard that Bitch? Now back off._

"Oh. Alright then, Mr. Cullen, let me introduce you to the other people here."

I knew it was preposterous of me, and shallow, and senseless, but watching Jessica easily interacting with Edward was making me fifty shades of jealous and envious. I know Jessica wasn't even trying to catch his attention or anything. Given, he's hot, and she finds him exactly that, but she wasn't even trying to be flirty yet. However, whenever her hands would go towards his arm, I wanted to find a woodchopper and disentangle it from the rest of her body; especially when said hands almost touched his ass, it took all my self-restraint not to throw all my staplers in my drawer at the back of her head.

This growing frustration only dissipated when lunch came. Of course, now that the new guy is a hottie, everyone would want to join him for lunch. My self-pity took on a higher notch.

As everyone was getting ready for lunch, I started digging my brown bag for my ever dependable Turkey sandwich. And he chose that moment to appear in front of my cubicle.

"Hello there," he says in his cool suave voice. I hated what it does to my senses.

"Hi," I greeted timidly.

"Why don't you join us for lunch, Miss Swan?"

Those words crushed me. It's time he learns the truth. All my hopes at normality with this handsome not-so-stranger needs to be thrown away. Reality needs to finally kick me at the butt.

"I can't join you," I answered vaguely.

He smiled that panty-melting smile, not having a clue on what will be thrown at his plate. "Come on, we're greeting buddies right?"

"I already have my lunch." I held my bag brown. He briefly eyed it.

"I'm willing to bet we can find a better lunch than that."

"Mr. Cullen, I can't." My voice sounded regretful.

Angela and Jessica chose that moment to join us.

"Oh, Mr. Cullen, aren't you having lunch with us? Let's go." Angela innocently asked.

"Yes. I was just extending the same invitation to Miss Swan here."

Angela looked more puzzled. "Bella never comes to lunch with us."

"Why not?" Edward asked.

Even more puzzled, Angela uttered the words that unmasked my pretentions. "Don't you know?"

Edward furrowed his brows.

"She can't walk."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I was THRILLED by the responses on the previous chapter. Reviews are energizers, and manna, and dark chocolates, and… yeah, fanfiction writers love reviews, so THANK YOU. And please, please, please don't miss telling me your thoughts on this one. Thank you and ENJOY. I love you all.**

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**~WHAT IT TAKES TO STAND~**

**Chapter 4: Enigmatic Man**

"She can't walk," Angela innocently stated. I saw Jessica got surprised and alerted Angela on her slip. Reading Jessica's signals, Angela's eyes grew at the realization of what she had just revealed.

But the reaction that registered most to me was Edward's. Wide-eyed from shock, Edward turned rigid. His mouth even hanged a bit open.

_Shit._ I winced. I casted my eyes down again.

"I'll just – I'll just finish my lunch then. Have a great lunch," I mumbled as I pretended to be busy with getting my sandwich from my brown bag and didn't even look up to them as they all left me.

My eyes stung from the tears that I was trying to keep at bay. Mechanically taking bites of my lunch, I nursed my wounded self by working even during my lunch break.

For the remainder of the day, I busied myself with my work. I read and re-read articles that I have written regarding the company; checked and re-checked reports on all Cullen Enterprises. I wouldn't be surprised if Mike suddenly appears in my cubicle, announcing that I was becoming a model employee by the hour. And through all this, Edward has not even once approached me. I expected it, but still, it hurts. A lot.

As the day ends, I was the first person to get out of the place, taking the opportunity that Edward was at that moment not in his designated cubicle a few feet from mine. It was like I was in a marathon – wheeled marathon at that. When I reached my parking space, I immediately strapped myself inside my adjusted van which was remodelled to suit my needs, and raced to reach home. There, I was finally able to release my feelings, crying myself to sleep, and cursing my two feet, and whatever responsible for it, that refused to walk.

The next day was frustrating. Our CEO Carlisle Cullen was to hold a press-conference regarding the latest investment of our company. Jessica, Angela and Eric were sent for field, and Garrett, Tyler, and Ben for taking photos and videos. Mike was also coming since he is the Division Head. And of course, it was Edward's opportunity to observe what the ISD does for the company. Even two of our OJTs will come.

I settled on busying myself with spreadsheets and e-news, but who was I kidding? I knew that I will just spend the whole time yet again watching people as they buzzle the busy street of Seattle.

By eight, everyone was becoming frantic on preparing the venue of the press-con located at the eighth floor. As soon as Edward came, he was ushered by Jessica to join them. I saw him cast a glance in my direction before following but I was fast to look away.

The minutes felt like hours as I waited for something to catch my interest again, but the streets held no fascination for me that moment. The realization that my boring life has suddenly been infiltrated by a handsome man, though he hadn't uttered a word to me past a friendly greeting, and I'm sure is by now repulsed at my abnormality, was making me hope for things that I'm aware were out of my reach. It was a sad realization.

_But what to do now?_ I thought, bored. _It's not like I could learn anything about him without talking to him… _

And then, like a light bulb flicking in my head, an idea popped in my mind. I did the thing that any curious and interested person would do if they wanted to know Edward Cullen without approaching him. I googled him.

One hour after browsing through articles and images on google, I slumped in my chair, giving up. There were a lot of articles about the Cullen family, and pictures upon formal pictures of him with Mr. and Mrs. Carlise and Esme Cullen, as well as his elder brother James and younger sister Rosalie, but none detailed personal information about him, other than the basic full name, age and academe.

As I was closing all the tabs, one picture on the 'image results' drew my attention. It was a closer picture of him and his family. This picture was very clear that I could see even the color of his eyes. But what drew my attention was the expression he was wearing: sadness, and contempt. It brought me to carefully observe all the other pictures of him.

After scrutinizing all fourteen pages of him with his family, I resolved on one thing. Edward looked like he doesn't belong there. He was like a lost soul: a lost boy amidst fake faces. It was obvious that their family was the strict, formal one. I noticed his brother James as the rebellious looking, and Rosalie as the Queenly type, but Edward looked like he doesn't feel comfortable around them.

"Hey there."

I gasped at the person on my right.

_Fuck. Why is he here already?_ Then I remembered my search engine. I hurriedly closed them before he sees anything.

"Why are you already here?" Flustered, I struggled to keep my voice from sounding panicky as I worked to remove all traces of my obsession of him.

"It's lunch time. They were all going to eat at the venue. I'm tired of all the catered food."

I looked at him to see him holding a plate of food.

"If that's the case then why did you bring the food from there?"

He smiled crookedly. _Fuck that smile_. "A trade?"

"With what?" I asked, not understanding him.

"With your lunch." He offered his plate of food.

I skimmed my brown bag placed near my desktop.

"It's just sandwich."

"I hadn't had homemade sandwich in a while now." I looked questioningly at him, hesitating. "Please?" He pleaded, beseeching me with his eyes.

_Fuck it._ I thought. _I hadn't had a proper meal ever since I was forced into a wheelchair._

I surveyed the office to see that it was only the two of us left, before I gave him my brown bag, exchanging it with his plate of food. He seemed pleased enough.

Growing self-conscious when he pulled a chair from the nearest cubicle to sit next to me, I couldn't erase my apprehension over the thought that this handsome man and I will share a lunch together.

Silence filled us. I watched him take out my peanut butter sandwich and contemplated whether I be the one to break the silence. He beat me by exulting delightedly over the food in his hand.

"This is amazing! I hadn't had peanut butter sandwich since I was in grade school." He excitedly took a bite and produced a contented sigh at the taste. It made me smile.

"You even put something else in here. It tastes better."

"Kitkat." I said. His brows furrowed. "I put bars of kitkat in there. It tastes better that way."

He looked at his food as if he couldn't believe the idea of putting chocolate bars into peanut butter. That made me giggle.

"That was a pretty sound. You should laugh more often."

I took a bite of the traded food to hide my embarrassment.

"So, why are you here?" I asked after swallowing my first bite. _Damn. Was that shrimp in cream sauce?_

"I knew you would be alone in here, and I wanted to talk," he said, cutting through all the small talk. "And I told you, I wanted trade in food," he added.

"If you're talking to me out of pity then I would suggest you find someone else. I'm sure there are numerous girls lining just for you."

"Woah. Easy there. Not too scary."

I looked at him as he chuckled at me.

"What do you want?"

"Can't I just talk to you because I find you interesting?"

I shifted my eyes to the food in my lap, eyeing it as if it was the most fascinating thing in the world, while I refuse to acknowledge that I was in any way interesting him.

"Look at me," he said in a quiet voice. When I didn't do as he bid, he clutched my chin to turn my face towards him. "I think you're pretty, and I'm attracted to you. I want to ask you out. Do you think there would be any space in those emotions where I could pity you?" His eyes were serious. Honest.

"You're good with girls," was my stupid answer. He laughed as he sat better in his seat, dropping his hold of me.

"Yes. I've had my few histories with dating willing girls. But that was a long time ago. Ever since I graduated college, my focus was on Mr. Cullen's company."

"I bet," I mumbled, not getting passed the fact that he just called his dad Mr. Cullen.

"But that doesn't mean I cannot be serious around women. I've never had a girlfriend in a long time now because I don't want fucked-up relationships anymore. You can imagine how tiring it could get to just have… physical relationships. All the women in my life were more interested in my looks, and credit card. If I dropped the surname _Cullen_ and lived a normal life, I'm sure they wouldn't be that much enthusiastic at the prospect of dating me."

"I seriously doubt that." He is such a pretty face girls would still be all over him even if he becomes as poor as a rat.

"Well, probably. But it gets pretty tiring pretty easily to date high maintenance girls. You know how much it sucks if your date is more interested in her nails than what you're saying? Or if you bring her to a restaurant and she couldn't eat all that was in the menu because she's on a diet? Or if you wanted to kiss her, but she wouldn't let you touch her hair because she just spent three hours straightening it? I wanted a real relationship, Isabella. No more of the stupid ones."

"And I'm that girl – easy, low-maintenance."

He sighed in frustration. "I didn't mean it that way. I told you, I find you very attractive, and I wanted to ask you out. I wanted to get to know you better. See if we could work out."

I looked at my plate of food again, contemplating. Am I ready to open myself up to another person? I can hardly look at myself in the mirror. It's harder to imagine myself with this good-looking guy.

"It's not like I'm forcing you right away to answer, but I'm begging you to consider my offer."

"Why me?" I faced him, gauging every inch of his reactions. "You hardly know me passed few pleasantries. And I'm just a girl in the wheels."

Something about what I said angered him. He scowled at me. "Don't ever doubt yourself just because you function slightly different than most people."

"But why? What do you see in me? And yesterday, you hadn't approached me after you learned my condition. I don't understand…"

Just then, our co-workers entered our floor, just finished with their lunch.

"I'll tell you later," Edward muttered as he stood to go to his cubicle again.

But his 'later' didn't come for the rest of that day.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Chapters 5 and 6 are not too different from each other so I decided to post them both at the same day. But please, leave reviews for EACH. That's what I only ask of you. Thank you and enjoy.**

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**~WHAT IT TAKES TO STAND~**

**Chapter 5: Fraternizing with Co-Worker**

I couldn't remember the last time it took me this long just to put something on for work. It's unsettling and at the same time refreshing for me to look forward to my day. After fifteen minutes of debating which clothes would look better on me, I settled on the blue camisole that Jessica complimented the other week covering it with my grey coat, a grey pencil-skirt and my pair of blue stilettos. I even put on some lip-gloss, eye-liner, and I blow-dried my hair more carefully to make it look bouncy and to show my curls. I took my time to look at myself in the mirror and was careful to focus only on my upper body. To be honest, I felt a bit better about myself - my camisole seemed to really compliment my pale white skin, and my brunette hair shines better. Even my brown eyes looked bigger because of the eye-liner, and my lips were fuller. All through six years of being on wheels, this was the first time I was able to appreciate my reflection, and the first time I tried to look better for someone.

I arrived the earliest for work, settling my coffee and booting my computer as I waited for my co-workers. As they arrived one after the other, I couldn't help glancing, waiting for Edward to come. I didn't know what to expect, actually, and not even sure if he would notice that I put a little effort on my self today. However, whenever my co-workers glance my way and register a bit of surprise upon looking at me, my hopes alleviates. Eric even went out of his way to tell me that I looked extra special for the day, and Jessica and Angela gave me smiles. The only reaction that I resent was when Mike gave me his lecherous grin.

When Edward came, I was fast to appear busy and pretend I wasn't counting the seconds for him to arrive. Five minutes after his arrival, a ding of new message on my work e-mail alerted me.

**You look lovely in blue.**

I glanced towards him and saw him eyeing me with a sexy smirk; his index finger languidly stroking his bottom lip.

I replied using my personal e-mail.

_Are you flirting with me this early in the morning Mr. Cullen?_

His reply came from another source and I was guessing it was also his personal e-mail.

**I evoke my right to self-incrimination.**

I couldn't help my giggle.

_All right then. I'll just hold on to the saying that "silence means… no."_

**Oh, that's probably why when I yell at my dog "no", he heads right on.**

Dogs. We were honestly talking about dogs. I couldn't decide whether to find us weird or funny, but my reply was fast.

_Yeah, you're too loud. Just look him in the eye, and if he still persists, grab a cat. That'll quiet him. It's his best friend._

**I thought men are dogs' best pals?**

_No. Men are dogs' best slaves. You bathe them, you give them shelter and food, and all they do is destroy your home._

**They really are domineering, aren't they? Who gives them the right?**

_Science. Dogs are at the top of the food chain. Men are below._

I saw him laugh from his corner.

**Really? Hadn't heard that they changed it already.**

_Come on, you can't be serious? How can you not know? It's plastered all over the news._

**I must be too concentrated on the reports on my Daily Fortune.**

_Why need fortune-telling? Don't you know that "Yesterday is a history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift that's why it's called the present?" Why focus on the future?_

**You did not just quote that from Kung Fu Panda.**

_You're right, I didn't. I borrowed it from Mr. Tumblr._

**Ah, the perks of modern society. Coming up with original thoughts.**

_Hey, it's not our fault you live behind a rock._

**Don't blame me. Bat-caves are way better than modern houses.**

_Oh really? Tell me one advantage._

**I can carry you there like a caveman.**

Caveman Edward? God, why does that sound so hot?

_Are you strong enough for me?_

**Woman. You. My Ego. Hurt.**

_You're a big guy. You can handle it._

**Want me to show you some time? ;)**

I knew there was an innuendo there, but I am determined to pretend I didn't notice it.

_I think I've seen enough of your __EGO__._

**Do I see you blushing Ms. Swan?**

_You need eyeglasses. Your vision is off beam._

**My vision is just fine, Ms. Swan. But wouldn't it be cool to wear x-ray glasses and see through people's clothes like James Bond? Every guy's fantasy.**

_Yes, it would. Then I'll make sure you're always around Mike._

**Ugh! My mind! Please dispel the images it conjures!**

My chuckles turned into full-fledged laughs that made Tyler eye me from his cubicle. I tried covering it again with my cough.

_Alright, just think of Oprah then. ;)_

**You're a cruel woman.**

_Nah, I just punish naughty kids._

**If I knew you're like Santa, I would have been a good boy all year… And wish for Christmas every day.**

_I'm not like Santa. Santa gives nice kids gifts every year and ignores the naughty ones. I'm more like __the Grinch__, hating Christmas and punishing you punks._

**God. Just go out with me already.**

I blushed. It has been such a long time since I flirted with someone and find an easy-flowing conversation that didn't feel forced. It felt good.

I didn't reply after that and started doing my work the Cullen's pay me for. I assumed he was doing the same but when he came to my cubicle only after ten minutes, I was surprised.

"I think this information is needed if you need to think things through and come up with the correct decision," Edward cryptically said with an air of seriousness as he passed me a post-it-note, and walked away as fast as he came. With confusion, I looked at the paper to see a phone number. Reading the instruction there, I couldn't help but smile.

**Call to pet both cat and dogs for Christmas.**

I immediately saved his number to my phone, trying hard not to be too obvious in my delight. But my happiness was short-lived when I realized how unlikely it is for me to dial his number. Was I ready for even one date? The answer was still elusive.

When I went home, the first thing that I did was to wheel myself to my room to search for my box. It wasn't just any other box – it was something that holds all the memories I have been keeping with me before. I took my photo album and looked at all my pictures: the troubled but healthy days. How I wish to turn back time.

Cheeky meowed as she searched for me in the room. I clicked my tongue several times for her, patting my lap. She jump to come to me and nudged her mouth on my hand. I patted her head like the tragic cat lady I am.

"Do I call him? Am I ready for it?" I asked her. She meowed. "What if he breaks my heart? What do I do? I guess I'll find you a replacement then."

And then she bit my hand. Hard. I hit her head as she scrambled away from me.

The stupid cat.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Chapters 5 and 6 are not too different from each other so I decided to post them both at the same day. But please, leave reviews for EACH. That's what I only ask of you. Thank you and enjoy.**

* * *

**~WHAT IT TAKES TO STAND~**

**Chapter 6: Call for a Change**

Friday was every employee's favorite. It entails clubbing, getting drunk, meeting strangers and spending intimacy with loved ones. For me, it only means staying at home, sulking at my pathetic life. But an e-mail on my computer alerted me, making me think that my friday could turn the other way around.

**You didn't call.**

I worried how to answer him but told the truth all the same.

_I'm not yet ready for my answer._

I was holding my breath for his response and exhaled a loud gust when he seemed not to resent me.

**I'm bored.**

_Go find something to keep your interest._

**A picture of you in a bikini would keep my interest.**

_You're so cheeky._

**Or without…**

_Excuse me, Mister, but I'm trying to work here._

**Aren't you ****the Grinch****? Go bitter and give me my punishment.**

I contemplated to send my next message, wondering if it would be too suggestive, but held on my breath as I pressed the enter key.

_Lie down and I'll spank you six times._

Edward groaned and knocked over his stack of papers. My co-workers eyed him and looking embarrassed, he explained "I just have a stomach-ache."

Like before, I pretended to cough to hide my laugh.

At lunch, Edward was once again asked by our co-workers to join them, chiding him for not staying yesterday on the press-con to eat with them. He was telling them that he wanted to work more for lunch, tentatively looking at me, but they wouldn't hear of it and dragged him to come with them. He gave me an apologetic look as he was heralded out.

Once again, I was alone. I scanned the streets outside while I bring out my lunch – this time I chose beef tacos, my favorite. The streets don't hold the same interest as they once do. There were still the varying people walking by but I couldn't look long at them to hold my interest. How could one man completely alter my outlook at the world? I felt pathetic.

The ding of my e-mail alerted me.

**I wish you were here.**

Just that sentence dispelled all the self-pitying I was feeling. Smiling hugely, I eagerly sent a reply.

_Pretend Angela's Angelina Jolie, and Jessica's Jessica Simpson._

**It's not the same. I like talking to you better. You make senseless things make sense.**

I chuckled, but also felt warmth in my heart to know we have mutual feelings about our conversations.

_How are you sending me e-mail?_

**Through my phone.**

_Sneak out._

The moment I pressed "sent", I panicked, realizing how clingy that sounds. Did I really ask him to ditch them to come to me? After several minutes I realized he wouldn't send me another reply and probably felt I was entirely joking. Sulking, I finished my lunch. I was surprised when I saw Edward walking towards me.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, stunned.

"You told me to sneak out."

"I was just kidding!"

"Well, I'm here," he said as he dragged a seat towards me.

"Have you finished your lunch at least?"

"I ate half of it. Don't worry – I'm not starving."

There were still a few remains of my lunch and I offered it to him. He smiled as he accepts it.

"I can't believe you."

"I told you, I wanted to spend time with you. Jessica was talking nonstop about her current date and Kate was irritating me while she asks me stupid questions. And what's up with that Eric guy?"

I laughed, imagining him straddled with our inquisitive co-workers. "Eric is a closet gay."

He almost spit the food in his mouth. "Fuck! Are you serious?"

I nodded. "Yes. Nobody notices but I once caught him and Tyler making out."

"Shit. Shit. Shit." He looked like he would burst.

"Why?"

"That's why he couldn't get his hands off of me! I went to the comfort room and he followed me there, all the while engaging me with talk. I was feeling uncomfortable as he kept glancing at me, but the others assured me he is a stud."

I laughed louder, unable to erase my imagination of Eric looking at Edward in the male's room.

"You just gave him a free peak."

"Shit."

I had tears in my eyes from laughing. Edward's expression was priceless as he visibly shuddered.

I noticed him staring at me and that's when I stopped.

"I really like your laugh."

I blushed, staring at my hands.

"Tell me something, Miss Swan…"

"Bella," I corrected him. "Call me Bella."

He smiled. "Alright, I'll call you Bella you call me Edward."

I nodded.

"Bella, why do you keep avoiding other people?"

I was astonished. I didn't know he was paying attention to how I interact with people. I couldn't pry away from my hands as I spoke.

"I think you can clearly see why, Edward. I'm not normal. People only look at me with pity, or disgust, or indifference. I can't mingle with them the way I used to." I didn't tell him that if I find someone like me before, I'd be one of those people giving those looks.

He was quiet for a moment. I glanced at him.

"Do I look at you that way?"

I surveyed his expression, looking for the looks that I just enumerated, but not finding even one morsel of them. He looks at me with interest, with devotion and even with desire. I looked away.

"I'm fascinating now. I would be boring later."

"I wanted to have a chance to see that for myself," he says. I couldn't speak.

"You have my number. I'll be waiting for your call. Please, give me at least one chance."

At that he rose, just in time for my co-workers to come. I looked towards him as he went to his cubicle. How could this sexy man find interest with me? He looks at me, and when our eyes met, I knew right then that I would take a chance with this man. Determinedly, I nodded, letting him know that I was giving him the chance. He smiled gloatingly, and just before I looked away, I saw him winked at me. I rolled my eyes at him.

As soon as I got to my apartment, Cheeky languidly greeted me by the front door.

"Get out of here," I told her. She looked at me with irritated eyes.

"Right. I'll call him. Don't give me that look."

She jumped towards my couch, circled two times, and laid there with eyes closed.

"Lazy cat," I mumbled. I wheeled myself towards my room to change to comfortable clothing, and then went out of the room, went near the telephone, and stared at it for the entire five minutes, getting the nerve to give the damn call. A few more minutes later, I finally lifted the receiver and punched the numbers. The phone rang a few times before the call was picked up.

"_Dr. Brandon's private clinic, how may I help you?_"

"Hi. It's Isabella Swan. I would like to schedule an appointment with Dr. Brandon on Saturday. Would that be possible?"

Gianna, Alice's assistant, answered in a surprised voice.

"_Hold on one moment Ms. Swan. I will have to check her schedule_."

I was put on hold for a few moments as I bit my nails.

After the six years of my inability to walk, I was passed down from doctor to doctor, until they learned that my condition wasn't because of some accident, but deeper. I was diagnosed with a Somatoform Disorder called Conversion Disorder. It was formerly known as "hysteria" because not until just later they thought people with this disorder were faking illness. However, it was learned that the disorder was mostly psychological and that the patient could have suffered some sort of trauma, converting the psychological pain into physical manifestations. It was bulls-eye for me.

Since then, I was transported from one shrink to another. They couldn't crack me; they couldn't even make me speak about the damn accident. I wasn't even rich to begin with so I'm not really an ideal patient. Giving up, I would be transferred to another shrink. That was before I met Dr. Brandon.

Alice was my fifth shrink. One look at my record and she was convinced I was the patient she was waiting for. She told me she simply wanted to help me and I shouldn't worry too much about the payment– she could make do with what I am able to pay her.

At first, I wouldn't want to confide to her about my true nightmares. She only shrugged, telling me I have all the time in the world and that she is willing to wait and be patient with me. One by one she learns of my past and I learned my true issues as she guides me to realize them on my own, but it wasn't still enough for me to move on and finally walk. However, she is patient as hell and it has been six years, five years with her, and she's still my shrink. So, my decision to volunteer information will be like a psychological breakthrough for her.

"_Miss Swan? Dr. Brandon wants to speak with you_."

I didn't even get a chance to speak before Alice was all over me.

"_Finally Bella! After six long years, you finally wanted to share something on your own. Get your butt here down this instant_."

I chuckled at her enthusiasm and felt stupid for feeling agitated on calling her. "Hello to you too, Dr. Brandon."

"_What do I keep repeating you call me?_" she reprimanded in a scowling voice.

"Sorry. Alice." I corrected. "Would tomorrow be agreeable to you? At nine?"

"_Tomorrow at nine would be perfect_."

I heard Gianna talking to her in the background saying how her Saturday is full.

"_Shh. Just cancel one of my appointments there and put Miss Swan's_," she told her.

"So, see you tomorrow?"

"_Yes, see you. I'm already excited about this._"

I'm not sure if I'm equally as excited, but it at least is one step forward.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Long chapter for this one, but I couldn't cut the scenes. One more fluff before we plunge right into the real stuff. Don't forget to tell me what you think through the review box below – what's one little thing to put a smile on my face, right? *winks* Enjoy!**

**~WHAT IT TAKES TO STAND~**

**Chapter 7: Walking Metaphors**

The moment I walked into Alice's office she instantly threw me a bar of snickers.

"Cut through all the crap and tell me what you needed to tell. Oh, this is exciting."

I remained looking at my fingers and at the bar of chocolate as I worked up my nerves to speak. After a minute, Alice spoke again.

"Alright, sorry for getting all wired up. I know it is a huge step for you as it is that you wanted to talk all on your own."

I nodded, not paying too much stress on the "huge step".

"The guy I met…"

"Yes, the stranger guy."

"Yeah. Turns out he's really interested and he got me to promise a dinner with him tonight. He's been asking me out nonstop and I finally relented."

I glanced at Alice to see her smiling from ear to ear.

"I really wanted to squeal, I really do, but that would be unprofessional."

I chuckled.

"What do you think poses as the problem then?"

"My problem is I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing. Would I let him into my life? Was it a wise decision? What if he breaks my heart? I know it is only one dinner, but I'm nervous as hell."

She nodded in understanding. "Where is he taking you?"

"I told him I'll decide the place and tell him at lunch. I wanted to run it into you first."

"Well, you did the right thing."

"Was that on my decision or on seeing you first?"

"Both, actually. Bella, I know that I've told you a hundred times that this – your condition – isn't more on the accident but on the fact that your past has been haunting you, and that is true. The reality of why you still can't walk, even after I made counselling with you for five years, is your inability to forgive yourself, living with guilt. And that mainly is because you have been alone for all these years. It's like time stopped for you that day of the accident and you set your mind on not experiencing anything new from then on. This guy, this is something different. You are only being hindered by fear, and self-loathing. You have no confidence in yourself, and you gave up all confidence in your physical appearance. Therefore, you closed yourself and barred anyone from entering. When was the last time you looked at the mirror and liked what you saw?"

I can't decide if Alice is a psychologist or really a psychic by her last question. "Last Thursday. That was the first time in all six years."

She smiled. "See? It only took you a week with him and there are already changes in you. You even went here to talk about it. You're already opening yourself up without realizing it. That is a good thing."

"What if I get hurt?" I finally asked the important question that has been plaguing me.

"Then you move on. Bella, even after your experience, you can't guarantee that life wouldn't suck, because that's how it is. And you live every day blindly, not knowing what the day has installed for you. The only way to make life living worthwhile is to cherish all the happy moments and learn from mistakes. Does this guy make you happy?"

"He does make me giddy like a schoolgirl. I don't know if that's happiness," I admitted.

"Well then, all the better. You're attracted to him. Bella, you need to face everything – happiness, loneliness, courage, fear. Everything. – head on. Only then will you live and not cower from your fears. Don't run away. Run forward."

I had tears in my eyes after what she said.

"Call that guy. Tell him you'll date him at your apartment. You're not yet ready to face other people, but I think you're ready to face him. One step at a time, Bella. And one more thing: don't be afraid to love and get hurt. What's more scary is to not love and then live your life in regret. The words 'what' and 'if' don't mean that much at the start of any sentences, but if you placed them together, they are one hell of scary words: 'what if'."

Tears flowed more from my eyes. After a few minutes, I've calmed enough and couldn't help but chuckle.

"Dr. Brandon, I never knew you're borrowing quotes now."

In a very unprofessional manner, she stuck out her tongue to me. "Most quotes make sense."

I nodded. Then furrowed my brows. "What's up with all the 'walk' metaphor?"

"Yeah, I'm purposefully offending you." She rolled her eyes.

I chuckled.

At seven, I was a ball of nerves as I await Edward. I texted him my apartment's location at lunch and he replied fast with _**I'll be counting the minutes**_ and warmed my heart all over again with his sweetness.I told him to come at seven thirty. I've been fixing things since four and so all I could do was to wait for him. Every ticking of the clock felt like a lifetime.

At exactly seven-thirty I received a text message.

_**Sorry. Can't make it.**_

Tears formed in my eyes as I read it, shattering my heart to a pool of rejection. I felt really stupid for believing him, thinking how here I was ready to finally open my heart and he crushed it with only a few words.

A knock made me turn to my door. Ridding my face tears as I wiped it with my hands, I opened the door, not having any will to do so.

A man with a bouquet of flowers greeted me.

"You must have the wrong address – oh, wait, if it came from someone named Edward Cullen, tell him to shove it up his ass." I spitefully said.

I was so angry that I was lashing out to him. However, even with what I've said, the man handed me the flowers.

And then he spoke, and I snapped my head up at him, recognizing his voice.

"Did you really think that I stood you up? I'm hurt. You really have little faith in me, Bella."

Edward was looking at me with amused eyes as he smiled his crooked smile at me. I blinked several times.

And then I hastily wheeled away to slam the door at his face as I retreat in my apartment.

"Wait, Bella! Let me in!" He was pounding on it hard, begging me to let him in.

"That was a bad joke! A very bad joke, you ass! Faith, you say? You hadn't even earned it yet!"

I was so angry I had fresh tears on my face. The fool had the audacity to laugh after the stunt he pulled off. "Look, I'm sorry, okay?"

"You can also shove that up your ass."

"I'm really sorry," he said between his laughs. "I was merely trying to make a point."

"What point?" I asked, still in anger.

"That I will never stand you up. And that I'm really attracted to you."

My anger dissipated a bit.

"I get the first one, but not the second."

"Well, both explanations come into the form of the flowers."

I looked at the bouquet of flowers on my lap. They were red tulips, which as a coincidence I happen to remember mean "a declaration of love" and "believe me" in the language of flowers. That made me calmed down even more and I finally was able to open the door. My scowl was still in place, and the fool had on his smile.

"I'm sorry, okay? I didn't think that you'll react that strongly."

"I'm a lady on wheels, Edward. You are the first person to ask me out after six long years. What do you expect I would react?"

"Shhh." He hushed me, leaning down to wipe my tears. "You look really pretty. You should be smiling instead of crying."

I hit him with his flowers. "Then you'll be sweet like this. I really want to kill you." He laughed loudly. I wheeled away from him to finally let him into my apartment.

Upon entering, he observed my apartment, settling his eyes on my meagre furniture. Cheeky came into view and he went to run his hand on her head. Cheeky acted all charming and I scowled at her fake façade.

"Don't be fooled by that cat. Cheeky's still on fake sweetness mode because you're a stranger, but she bites people off."

"Well then, she's not much different from her owner."

I huffed as I settled to put the flowers into the vase. Edward gets himself comfortable with my place as he sat at the couch with Cheeky.

"You have a nice place. It's very clean and seems comfortable enough," he observed.

"What do you want to do first?" I asked as I wheeled myself back at the main room.

For some reason, I felt that Edward's stunt wasn't merely to make a point but to also warm myself to him, because after breaking down in front of him, I now don't feel that nervous around him.

"Why don't we watch a movie first and then decide what to do later?" he said as I scanned his appearance. I didn't notice at first because of my drama but he looked really comfortable. Rid of the office vibe, Edward was wearing tight jeans and black shirt. Casual, but still sexy.

"What movie do you want to watch?" I asked.

"You choose. I'm mostly watching you anyway."

I settled on American Hustle since it has become one of my favorites. I pulled up myself to sit at the couch not too close to him. As the movie starts, he drew nearer to me and placed his arm at the couch's back armrest, arching it around my shoulders. Every once in a while, he would play with my hair and I would hold my breath. I didn't even know how tensed I was until the movie ended. Cheeky was sound asleep beside us.

I stretched to find him also doing the same. We looked at each other and he offered me an amused smile.

"Are you hungry? I've prepared some quesadillas and burritos."

"Mexican? Now I'm starving."

I was about to go back to my wheelchair when Edward stopped me.

"I'll get it. You just sit there and get comfortable. I can be a gentleman at times."

He rose to go to the kitchen. I told him to reheat the food in the microwave, and he asked where I placed my utensils. After a few minutes, he was back and he dragged my small table to fix our dinner.

I watched him as he took his first bite. He moaned.

"God, this is wonderful!"

I chuckled at his reaction. "My mom wasn't really a good cook, so I have to learn preparing food at an early stage."

"Really? Where is she now?"

That question stumped me. My hand quivered and I couldn't look at him.

"Anyway, I loved Mexican food, and I loved cooking, so it was a good thing she couldn't do it." I blabbered. Observing me, he took hold of my quivering hand and I stopped shaking.

"I'm sorry," he said after a moment. "I guess that was a hard topic for you."

I only nodded. He easily changed the topic.

"Tell me about Cheeky."

That made me smile and forget my earlier agitation.

"She was a stray cat. After my accident, I couldn't find a will to get on with my life any longer. I don't have a job, and I just finished high school and doesn't have the means to go to college – well, at that time. I was easily slipping into depression.

"One day, as I was learning how to drive without using my feet, I came across an alley. I'm really not good with places and easily get lost, coupled with the fact that I'm still learning how to drive using only my hands, so you could imagine my panic. I stopped near that alley, and got out with my wheels to ask for directions. But what I saw there surprised me.

"There was a group of people living in those alleys – beggar, they are. They were making fun of a dead cat. And then I saw a white cat, all dirty, came from behind the dead cat and hissed at them. She was so thin, and she had on really ugly fur. She even had a wound on her foot, which I learned later. At that I figured she was defending her mother, although dead, and trying to fight her life.

"After seeing her, I realized that I was wasting my time feeling sorry for myself and not doing anything to fight life. She's only a cat yet she's better than me, a human. That was the moment I decided that I wouldn't sulk anymore and would do something in my life."

Edward was looking at me intently.

"So you saved her from them."

I smiled. "Cost me ten bucks. She's one expensive cat."

He lifted Cheeky from her slumber, and like the cheeky cat she was, she stretched a bit and pressed her mouth to Edward's hands.

"I can now see why you hate dogs."

I chuckled. "I should have really saved a dog instead. Cheeky's a real diva. Look at how fat she is? She saunters here like she owns everything."

A smile was on his lips. "I knew you were a dog lover at heart. Don't worry, I won't tell." He winked. I laughed.

"Don't tell that in front of her. She'll murder me in her sleep."

We finished eating, talking all through random stuff about ourselves, and Edward volunteered to clean the plates. After I fed Cheeky, I sat back at the couch and waited for Edward. I realized this was the make or break part. Most dates end up with either the couple kissing, or sleeping together. I didn't know if I could handle any of the two.

Edward slowly sat beside me and watched for my reaction. He noticed my apprehension and exhaled a loud gust of air.

"Okay. I know you're still not that comfortable around me, so I figure I'll tell you a little something about me.

"My full name is Edward Anthony Masen-Cullen, age twenty-six, Marketing graduate at the Stanford University in California. After that, I spent the next years figuring things, until I finally decided to get on in the family business."

"Living in the constant rain here must have been pretty hard for you." I can't imagine giving up sunny California for cloudy Washington.

"It's okay, I grew up here. Though I sure miss catching rays sometimes." He smiled – reminiscing, and then continues on in his profile.

"I have one dog, his name is Doggy 'cause I'm a lazy-ass on general and couldn't come up with a better name." I cracked at this. "I have a collection of quotes, because I'm a sappy shit like that, and if you tell anyone I'm gonna have to collaborate with Cheeky in murdering you." I laughed more.

"I've been in and out of relationships before, dated at least fifteen women, but stopped seeing girls after I graduated because I got tired of the easy lay. I'm not proud of it, but I think you need to hear everything."

"Well, I admire your honesty." He smiled and blurted "thank you."

"One day, as I was walking towards Cullen Enterprises to go to HR to transfer to the Information System Department, I saw a beautiful woman staring at me from her cubicle." I gasped, knowing where this story is headed. "She had a really beautiful brown hair, really good skin, and the deepest brown eyes I've ever seen. I looked at her and surprised, she looked away from me. I've never have someone look away from me before. Most girls are easy to convince to date, but just by that interaction, this girl proved to be different. I couldn't move; looking all stupid with my mouth hang open, until I received a call to proceed to HR. I waited the other day for her and when she finally looked at me, I waved, and she knocked on her coffee. I was really having a bad week that time and I finally got to laugh at something.

"I came next week to learn that I'm working with her so I had the biggest grin on my face. When I saw her, I only got to focus on her. She was trying hard to avoid me all day, and that got me so intrigued I almost begged for her the next day to go out with me. After my constant pleading, I was finally here, sharing the night with her. I'm learning more and more about her, and I like her more and more. I wish she would stop shutting me out because I really wanted to get to know her more."

I had tears in my eyes after his declaration. I couldn't look at him because I knew what I would see, and it scares me to know he really wants me. How could I let someone want me when I couldn't even like myself?

"You forgot one important thing."

He leaned forward to me to wipe my tears away.

"I think I told you everything."

I shook my head no. "You forgot how not normal she is for you. How inadequate she is, and inferior she is compared to you. She is just some girl on a wheel, Edward. There's nothing special about her."

He hushed me and made me look at him with his hands. "No. It is true that she's a girl on the wheels but she is stronger and more beautiful than any other girls that I've known. And I seriously want her to be mine."

I couldn't help but to crush my lips to him as more tears flowed. I briefly registered how only a moment ago, I was dreading on whether I could kiss him, but now I was the one to initiate it.

It started as a slow kiss: I was focused on his lower lip, until it built up and our need grew. He held my head to him, and worked his hands towards my back, resting at the back of my hips, as he pressed his body to me. He plunged his tongue on my mouth and I sucked on it. I kneaded my hands to his hair, making it more tousled than it already was. Our breathing became jagged and erratic as I pressed more and more of myself to him. I sensed his need, and mine grew. Desire, thick and strong ruled every nerve-ending in my body as everything became instinctual. All that was running in my mind was my need for him. And how it has been such a long time since a man made me feel like a true woman.

He kissed his way down my jaw as I gasped for air. I moaned as he kissed my neck. He leaned towards me, and crushed on top of me, as he worked his mouth towards my collarbone. However, when he started unbuttoning my shirt, I tensed. That momentary clarity has brought my mind the reality of the situation. I was willingly giving into my desire of him. If I wouldn't stop this, I would end up giving everything to him, even my heart. And at that moment, I took hold of both his hands and said in a weak voice "stop."

Although my plea was very quiet, Edward froze. We both catch our breaths as slowly, we disentangled from each other. After a few minutes, he finally lifted off of me and helped me sit up. I closed the few top buttons of my shirt he managed to open.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled when I was finally breathing normal.

"No. I'm sorry I pushed you too hard."

I couldn't look at him, afraid that my reaction has drawn an end to our budding relationship. Finally, he noticed my silence and made me look at him. When he noticed my tears, he grew panicked.

"Hey, hey. I'm really sorry, okay? I got carried away. I know it already is a big deal for you to agree to this day. I pushed my luck too hard. I shouldn't have done that. What was I thinking?"

"No," I mumbled. "I kissed you. I initiated it. And I lead you on. I was responding – of course you would continue. I'm just…" I blinked the stupid tears in my eyes.

"You're not yet ready for more."

I nodded and kissed his palm, thankful for his understanding.

"It's okay. We'll take this one step at a time."

I nodded again. Then scowled at him. "What is really with you guys and the walking metaphor? Even my shrink uses it."

He smiled amusedly. "I'm glad you find me annoying."

I huffed to his satisfaction.

"Well, I think I've gotta go now."

He rose to leave. I tightened my hold on his hand. He smiled at me.

"I'll be back and spend more time with you that you'll grow tired of this face, alright? Don't worry."

"I don't think I'll easily tire at you. You really have a handsome face," I admitted with a blush. He laughed loudly and I blushed more.

"I knew it! You were checking me out. Finally, you admit of my charms."

"Yeah. And you have a nice ass."

"Not as robust as yours."

"How did you know? I'm always sitting."

He smiled playfully. "I had the privilege of touching it a while ago." I rolled my eyes.

He went to go out. I was about to go back to my chair but he shook his head no. "I get it. I'll lock it from the inside before I leave."

I nodded.

"By the way, I'm not really sorry about the kiss. We could definitely do that again. That was hot." He said with eyebrows raised. I chuckled.

"Me too."

He hesitated before leaving, and then walked back towards me. Hurriedly, he kissed me again. We were careful not to escalate anything but it was sweet nonetheless.

"Bye," he breathed after a moment.

"See you on Monday," I mumbled.

"I'll be counting the seconds. Again."

"You really are a sappy shit."

He laughed. "You emasculate me a lot. I should really prove myself to you," he moved his eyebrows suggestively.

"Get out of here, you horny piece of man."

He finally walked away with a chuckle and closed the door.

The moment he was gone, I squealed like a teenage girl and hugged Cheeky, feeling the buzz of Edward's kiss on my lips.

Cheeky was irritated by my high pitched squeal and bit my chin. I dropped her, wincing over my chin. But it was hard to contain my happiness and the smile was still evident on my face.

I couldn't wait for Monday.


	8. Chapter 8

**~WHAT IT TAKES TO STAND~**

**Chapter 8: Breaking News**

Over the course of two weeks, Edward and I were attached at the hip. We chatted and spent as much time as we could to get to know each other. We learned of our favorite books, music, movies, food, etc, etc. I was surprised to know how similar we both were: our music and books being classical, and other stuff too, like we both hate the subject Math during school, hate romantic-comedy movies, are both more awake during the night than the day, and other basic stuff. One time I asked him if there is an instrument he knows how to play and he told me the piano. All I thought was _he fucking knows how to play the piano?!_, dreaming how it is all shades of sexy and hot. He promised me he'll show me his talent some time when he finds a piano. And because there wasn't one in my apartment, all I could do is to imagine him using my body as his instrument to show me how talented his fingers were.

Edward became a permanent fixture in my life for the two weeks. At the office, we were almost inseparable, and it caused a bit of gossip amongst our co-worker. I didn't care. All that mattered was I was with him.

We sent each other e-mails constantly. Sometimes, we talk about random stuff. But there were few times when we get ourselves too much into the "other stuff", like the one Wednesday morning.

**I dreamt of you last night. **He sent me, getting all sweet and sappy again.

_Me too._

**I hope I was naked.**

Oh, Edward if only you knew…

_And panting. _

I taunted in my reply. Only, he didn't know he had already starred more than once in my dream where I get to experience my big O, waking me instantly upright in my bed.

**Are you sure you don't want to sneak out to the fax room...?**

_I'm absolutely certain._ I chuckled.

**You're cruel. You say things like that and expect me not to be affected.**

_Actually, I was hoping for the opposite._

**Give me a little peek.**

At that, I was stumped. Was he serious? But the idea was so tempting and erotic that I took a chance with my reply.

_Here?_

**Hell yeah. It will be hot.**

I looked towards him, where he peered my way with hooded eyes. That look did it for me.

I glanced around us and noticed no one was paying too much attention. I fractionally hitched my skirt and worked to glide my hand along my legs. I felt sexy, and hot, and it was making me hot just to know that he was staring at me.

**Higher.**

I hitched my skirt a little higher, cautious if anyone notices. I was easily getting aroused just by knowing that he was affected by me and I hoped no one notices my flustered face.

**Oh God.**

I scooped all my hair to my left, exposing my neck. And then, like I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing, I moved my hand to my breast, teasing a bit on the front, and worked my hands to stomach.

**Fuck yeah.**

And then, I placed my index finger in my mouth, as though it was inconsequential, and sucked on it.

**Oh God. Don't stop.**

I nibbled on my finger, wearing a sexy grin, but still looking at my monitor.

**I couldn't wait for you to be ready.**

That did it. It was like a drum of iced water was showered on me. It's easy to flirt and write provocatively behind a screen when you know that they are just words, and to give a peek every once in a while, but in reality, I'm not sure I am ready for more. I know I loved getting to know him, and loved it even more whenever we make-out, but I still don't think I have enough courage to put our relationship into the next level. Edward respects my inhibitions and doesn't demand anything; however, I know that if I don't get passed my insecurities, our little bubble would soon burst.

Friday morning, I received a text message from Edward telling me he wouldn't be able to come to work. I asked him why and he told me it was family matters. I entered the office sulking.

The day passed boringly as I watched people outside my window. I didn't notice before but time seemed to fly whenever I'm with Edward, and when he's not with me, it was dragging. Just before lunch, I sensed someone approaching me in my cubicle and I tried to look sharp. But when I looked up to see Mike and the person beside him both in front of me, all blood left my face.

"You're Isabella Swan, right?" I noticed my co-workers eyeing us with interest. However, all that I could focus on at that time was the gorgeous woman in front of me, and how it was none other than Edward's sister, Rosalie Cullen-King.

I gulped my own spit as I find my voice to answer her.

"Yes, Mrs. King. Is there anything you need?"

The blonde beauty scowled at me and I was easily intimidated by her demeanor. Rosalie is a tall, curvaceous, gorgeous woman, who looked like a freaking model of some sports magazine. She looked formidable with her designer clothes and four inches heeled shoes, making me feel smaller than I already was compared to her. She was better looking than the pictures I saw of her.

She scanned me from head to toe and noticed for the first time my wheels. She grew angrier at that for some reason.

"Oh my God, it's worse than I thought," she uttered with venom.

I looked down in shame. I knew that wherever her thoughts were heading, it has something to do with my inability to walk.

"Swan, we need to talk, but I wouldn't be waiting for your slow wheel to arrive at the coffee shop down the block, so you go there right now and I'll meet you in ten minutes."

At that she left leaving Mike all confused, and me, all my nerves like jelly.

I excused myself to Mike as I wheeled away from him and had all my co-workers exchange furtive looks.

I was all nerves as I arrived at the coffee shop. Rosalie has not yet arrived so I took the liberty to choose where to sit. I picked the one most hidden from the people and ordered tea to calm my nerves. I couldn't even pick the teacup properly – my hands were shaking.

_What does she want with me? _I kept asking myself but knew that it has something to do with Edward. If not so, I couldn't think of any reason why she would single me out amongst the other employees.

Rosalie arrived a few minutes later with air of importance as she searched for me. When her eyes locked on mine, I instantly looked away. She came to sit next to me and I fidgeted with the cup of tea on my hands.

The waiter was fast to get our orders. After which Rosalie took out her coat and placed it beside her chair's armrest. I could smell strong expensive perfume emanating from her.

"Swan, I would cut to all pleasantries and tell you my real business why I needed to talk to you."

I couldn't even have the courage to tell her to call me Bella instead. I simply nodded at her.

"I want you to look at me whenever I speak."

Mustering the only strength I could, I cautiously looked at her blue penetrating eyes and felt weaker than before.

"You must have an idea why I wanted to talk to you."

"Edward," I croaked.

The waiter arrived and placed Rosalie's coffee in front of her. She didn't even thank him.

"My brother will be the future heir to Cullen Enterprises. Do you know that?"

"Yes." It appeared I could only manage one-word conversation with her.

"As such, anyone in the position of my father would want the best for him, in every way, wouldn't he?"

I finally had the strength to speak a little more than one words. "And I'm not the best for him."

"No. You're not. You could be the best for anyone else, but not for him. Swan, I'm not merely saying this because you aren't some daughter of some business tycoon, nor am I feeling you inadequate for being handicapped." She spoke direct to the point without even showing a hint of emotion. "I'm doing this for Edward's own good. I know what it entails to be my father's daughter, and already, I've been through the hard times. Edward would be in a harder position because he is a man, and that means he would take over my father in running the company. Do you get what I'm saying?"

Dread took over me at the concept of how truly inadequate I am as compared to Edward. It was hard enough for me to believe him when he says he wants me; it was even harder now that Rosalie made me realize how Heaven and Earth Edward and I are to each other.

I took a sip of my tea before speaking.

"You want me to break-up with him." It wasn't a question but a statement. It was obvious what she wanted.

"Yes, before this foolish affair gets out of hand and hurt you more later on. He's already fighting Mr. Cullen as it is."

There it was again – calling their father Mr. Cullen.

"He's fighting him?"

"Yes. They don't know yet what's making him a rebel, and before they learn it was you, I'm suggesting you already cut ties with him before it's too late."

I nodded, finding it hard to believe. Was it just yesterday we were eating dinner, seemingly happy in my apartment as we cuddle and make fun of Cheeky? And now, before even taking our relationship further, we needed to separate. The concept puts coldness into my heart.

"You told me that it has been hard to you as well. What did you experience?"

It was the only moment Rosalie's eyes displayed any emotion, and I easily read it as pain. She was still hurting over something, and in that short moment, I realized why she was acting tough. It was defense mechanism to hide her vulnerability and weakness.

"I don't want to answer you."

I nodded again, this time empathizing with her. And instead of apologizing, I said "I understand."

She looked at me with a hint of surprise, and I knew she felt my sincerity over her predicament, but she easily hid her feelings.

"One more thing: Edward is already engaged."

At that she rose without even having a sip of her coffee, leaving me unable to process what I just heard. It couldn't be true, could it? Edward is engaged? To whom? Was he playing me?

It took me the whole thirty minutes before I finally forced myself to go back to work. I wheeled myself away as numbness engulfed me.

As soon as I went back to the office, my co-workers watched me wheeling myself back to my cubicle. I didn't care. They could gossip all they want.

I went to my place and unlocked my computer. Mechanically, I searched for any news related to Edward's engagement. Surely, a prominent person as him – the son of an important businessman – would have something written about his engagement?

One news article featured this, but they say the information wasn't still certain. But it was certain enough for me: he's getting married to a Tanya Denali, daughter of the Denali Corporations, one of the biggest companies next to the Cullen's. There was no picture of them together, and for that I was glad, because I didn't think I could handle it anymore if there was. However, I did see a picture of Tanya, and it was enough for my self-esteem to plummet as I look at her strawberry blond hair and model-looking body. She could easily wear rags and still look beautiful.

I wheeled myself to go to the comfort room. There, I finally let the few tears that have threatened to flow the entire way from the coffee shop.

Finally, when I felt a little stronger, I sent Edward a text message. It was a simple one, but encapsulates all that I wanted to say.

_I will never be ready and you were not even ready to begin with. I don't want to be your baggage. Goodbye._

And I cried, because it was the only thing I knew how to do anymore.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Reviews = love. Thanks for taking time to leave reviews. This one is one of my favorite chapters and I sure do hope it's yours as well. Enjoy!**

**-3 hours after posting chapter 9-**

**A guest reviewer has posted her comment on this chapter, and after taking into consideration what he/she has said, I thought he/she made a fair point, so I adjusted Bella and Edward's conversation a bit. This is probably the first and the last time I'll adjust a chapter though. I just realized some things weren't that clear on some points…**

* * *

**~WHAT IT TAKES TO STAND~**

**Chapter 9: Circumstances and Situations**

"You know."

I was wearing not an ounce of expression as I looked at Edward's face. One look at me and he already knew what the issue was. I wheeled myself away from the door to let him in.

"I talked to Rosalie," I mumbled.

The silence stretched on as I looked at his bedraggled face. When I could take it no longer, I moved to my room. His strained voice stopped me.

"Please Bella, let me explain," he pleaded, defeated.

I tried to keep my voice detached but the loathing tears were threatening to overcome me. "There's nothing to talk about."

"There are tons, and you know it."

I continued to wheel myself away from him. He came to stand directly in front of me.

"Bella!"

I finally erupted – my anger lashing out of me – as I stared at him with tearful angry eyes.

"I don't want to be that girl, Edward! I don't want to be cheap! I don't want to be some mistress! And most of all, I don't want to destroy your future!"

"God, help me, I want to kill Rosalie right now." He ran his hand through his face. I tried to wheel myself away from him again.

"Bella, listen to me. Please." There was hopelessness in the way he pleaded to me.

"It's good we end this before it even actually started." My voice broke twice. At that, he also reached his limit.

"Don't hide, Bella! And don't just cry! That's all you do - cry, and run away. You're too afraid to love me that you don't even want to have sex with me. And now, you're too afraid to be hurt that you shut me out before I even talk to you. I don't even know why you're on wheels, but I think I know that it is fear once again. You're too afraid to walk that you don't even want to consider it."

His words cut deep because I knew that he was right. "Get lost!" I shouted with only the voice I could muster, but he was resolute on what he wanted to make me realize, now that he knew he was hitting bull's eye.

"I won't. I'm fighting, Bella. Dammit, I don't want this life. I don't want the life my father pushes me into. And I see you, and I thought for once maybe it's time I make a stand. I don't want to marry Tanya. I don't even like her. But all of this is just hopeless if you cower in fear as I fight for us."

I wiped the loathing tears as I struggled to keep my emotions in check.

"There's nothing to fight for, Edward. We're not even officially together. We only dated a few days. There is no 'us'."

"Don't say that. I know you want me too."

How could I deny him the one truth that I've been trying to refute within myself all this time? I knew he was spot on. However, my fears kept me shying away from giving all of me to him.

"How dare you."

"Yes, I could dare and tell you outright how you want me. I see it in your eyes. I feel it with your touch. I taste it from your lips. You want me, Bella. Dammit, just admit that you want me."

My voice quivered as my weakness was put up front.

"What good would it do, Edward? I'm just me. Pathetic. Weak. Always crying. I couldn't even fight to stand for myself, how could I fight to stand with you?"

He senses that I was losing it and immediately grasped my moment of weakness. He lowered himself and pushed his mouth to mine. At my gasp, his tongue was fast to take control over mine. In one swift uncertainty, I almost gave in to his kiss. It was needy, and God forbid, it was damn sexy. But I knew this was wrong, and I knew how much it makes me look cheap. Using all my force, I pushed him away. And slapped him hard on his face.

"I'm not some whore you could just use at your own whim and pleasure. Go find someone else to fill in your needs, Edward. Goodbye." More tears followed my retreat to my room. When I was near my bed, I heard Edward murmur very quietly.

"Cheeky."

"What?" I faced him with a vexed look.

"Cheeky is much better than you. At least she could fight not just for herself but for someone else. You can't even admit what you truly want."

I saw how his eyes melted and found it hard to breathe because once again, he was right. Cheeky is better than me. A cat, with not one-fourth the intelligence of humans, can fight for her life. I couldn't even admit my feelings for him without cowering in fear.

"Why do you keep on telling me that I want you?"

"Because you're a shitty liar that you try to lie even to yourself."

Damn him.

"Kiss me."

I saw him struggle, gauging if I was really serious. I wiped my weak tears and looked at him straight in the eyes.

"Damn it Edward, kiss me. Make me forget everything. Make me forget even my own name."

It was a losing battle for both of us as soon as the words left my mouth. With purposeful strides, Edward walked to me and lifted me from my chair. He carried me to my bed and set me down there without removing his eyes from mine. I nodded, and swiftly, his mouth was on mine. It was needy. It was forceful. It was right.

I couldn't remember exactly how but soon, we were both topless as we remained kissing. I could feel his need growing down below and hissed as it made contact with my hip. We momentarily departed from each other to look at each other's bodies. I ravished at his perfect muscles and glided my hands on it. He unclasped the front of my bra and gasped, looking at my bare chest.

"You are beautiful."

His words instigated me to be more courageous. I tugged at his pants – my hands shaking as I worked on his fly – and he helped me remove them, together with his boxers. As I saw his wholeness, I couldn't look away. His need was very evident on how high it stood. To know that I was the one creating that effect on him made me feel sexy. Wanted.

Edward lowered himself to me again as he kissed my jaw, and made the kisses reach my chest. He kissed my breast with force and need and I moaned and arched myself to him. It has been so long since someone made me feel that way.

Next, he removed the pants and panties that I was wearing, lifting my feet one at a time.

"God, Bella, you're perfect."

He kissed my right breast and worked his way down to my thigh. And then, with one sweet motion, he inserted his finger in me.

"Edward!" I moaned.

He kissed my lips again as he worked his finger, inserting the second one later, and removed them from mine to cup my breast. He saw my need from my eyes, and felt it when he touched my most intimate part, and soon he was hovering at my entrance.

I closed my eyes. I wanted – badly – to wrap my legs around him but because I couldn't move them, all I could do was to tell him exactly what to do.

"Edward, my legs – I want them around you," I breathed with a foreign voice. He did as I said and wrapped them securely around him.

I remembered one important detail and opened my eyes.

"Edward, God, please tell me you have condoms with you."

"Wait." He hissed. Hastily, he reached for his pants that we discarded near my bed, brought his condom out of his wallet and put it around him as fast as he could. Waiting for him was an agony and when he finally made contact to me, I felt like I was in cloud nine – which was a childish notion, but doing what we're doing, it was nothing but childish.

He thrust into me – deep – ruled with his need, and I easily reciprocated. He kept on kissing me – my jaw, my neck, the spot below my ears, and my lips – as we both moved in perfect sync. I never have been a screamer but with him, I was gasping, moaning and panting for him as words that I couldn't focus on floods out of my mouth.

We were easily reaching our climax when Edward murmured "let go, Bella. Let go of your fears."

At that, I came hard unlike anything before with a loud cry of his name. He soon followed with a garbled version of my name and we both collapsed to the bed, catching our breaths.

"You were so beautiful, Bella," he murmured in a breathy voice as he kissed my forehead.

I couldn't exactly say that it was love making, for it was a moment of unconstrained need and passion, but Edward uttering the things he did throughout our contact made me feel wanted, needed, sexy and beautiful, that I felt it made up for all the years that I didn't have sex.

"That was…" I said, looking up to the ceiling and unable to put words into what we did.

"Yeah," he murmured on my shoulder, filling my sentence.

And then we were both laughing – for what reason, I was not so sure. Maybe we both were just dang happy and finally fucking satisfied.

* * *

"Did I make you forget your name?"

We were both lying on our sides' moments later, in perfect post-coital bliss, as I was tucked on his right arm and our legs intertwined.

"Not really."

He turned my head to look at me and said with conviction "I can make up for it. Let's do it again."

I chuckled as I kissed his chest. "I didn't forget my name because you were screaming it as you came."

"Oh really? I didn't even notice."

"I couldn't blame you. You were a bit preoccupied." I winked.

"I could do worse than get a bit preoccupied. In fact, I think I want to always be preoccupied." He winked back and I laughed.

"God, Edward, you're insatiable."

"I hope that's a good thing."

"Well, for now, it is." I smiled.

We were both satisfied to keep quiet for a few moments but we knew that there were issues needed to be addressed. One sex – though great – could not solve anything that we needed to overcome. He sighed, and I knew that our thoughts were aligned at that moment.

"So, Tanya," I started. He sighed again.

"Later." He kissed my head.

"No. We need to discuss this now."

"I know. But, I don't want to ruin the moment. We will talk about her a bit later, okay?"

I gave in – also wanting to prolong our short happiness.

"What do you want to talk about then?" I asked, nuzzling his slightly hair-covered chest.

He thought for a moment before posing a question for me.

"Why can't you walk, Bella?"

As usual, he was direct to the point. I realized that I should be, too.

"Trauma."

He looked at my face.

"What?"

"I can't walk because I don't have the courage and will to do so. I could easily dodge your question and say it's because of the car accident, but that's not all true. I was traumatized. It's a type of Somatoform Disorder formerly known "hysteria". It's called Conversion Disorder."

He took a moment to process the information.

"So you mean to say you can still walk but couldn't because you still don't want to?"

"Something like that."

"And it's because of the car accident that you're traumatized."

"Not exactly. It's not just that. There's something else," I answered vaguely.

He smiled.

"That means there's still hope."

I sighed. "Most people with this type of disorder can overcome it only by a few months, Edward. It's been six years since the incident. I am still on wheels."

I sensed that he still wanted to know more. However, I also sensed that he sensed that I couldn't say more than what I already shared. He changed the subject and focused on what we really need to talk about.

"Tanya was just someone forced in my hands to marry. All my life I let Mr. Cullen – I meant Carlisle – rule me. Well, not just me, but every one of us. But then, this time, I wanted to do something right with my life and be man enough to stand up against him."

"Do you know Tanya aside from being your forced fiancé?"

"The Denalis have been partners with the Cullen family in some business ventures. You could say that they are my father's business friends because they're the only ones he consider good enough for him to be co-owners on some of our franchises."

I took a moment to word what I wanted to say.

"Tanya is very beautiful."

He shrugged. "She could be, for a fake woman."

"Fake?"

"Let's just say that her nose and her body parts were not God-given."

I tensed. "You know her intimately?"

He looked at me with his all-too-familiar smirk.

"Are you jealous, Ms. Swan?"

"No, not jealous. 'Intimidated' would be a more correct term." I answered honestly. He kissed my forehead.

"We've known them for years. She and Rosalie have complete animosity towards each other. I guess you could say that Rose made it her job to point out every flaw on Tanya whenever they happened to be in the same room, and I'm just someone in the hearing range as all hell breaks loose. But, no, Bella, I didn't have sex with her, so you shouldn't worry on that regard." And then he added in a hushed low voice, "And to tell you the truth, I prefer brunettes."

That settled some of my insecurities away as I felt a shiver run down my spine from his last comment. However, one chill-inducing thing crossed my mind and I voiced it out.

"I'm also intimidated by your sister," I mumbled, remembering meeting Rosalie King on that coffee shop. I cringed. For some reason, Edward laughed at me. Puzzled, I looked at him.

"I would be surprised if you wouldn't find her intimidating because that's how she is – well, mostly for me she is annoying, but then, we always fight each other. She's just very blunt but once you get to know her more you'll see that she actually cares. She's been through a rough time and only wants what's best for us." Suddenly, his voice turned from playful to sincere and dead serious. "But what she did and said to you was no excuse. You didn't deserve being told off in that way. Rosalie is my sister, but she crossed a line. I am sorry of what you had to go through with her."

I put his hand close to my lips to kiss his palm. "I understand her. I saw how she looked at me – I know there was something going on about her. Instead of hating her for her bitchy ways, I feel only sympathy towards her."

"You're too kind. She doesn't deserve it."

I only shrugged.

I contemplated about what Edward has been saying. It is apparent their father, Mr. Cullen, is a very daunting man and imposes on their lives. I wonder what brought him to be such a character.

"Bella, I was thinking."

"Yes?"

"You said that your disorder is mostly psychological, right?"

I didn't like where this was heading.

"Yes. I'm a complete coward."

"What if I help you walk?"

I shook my head. "It will be a very hard fit, Edward. And given your current circumstances, I'd much rather you focus on straightening your life than making me walk."

He briefly pondered on what I told him. "Okay then, let's do this – you focus, very hard, on your recovery while I face the wrath of the Great Carlisle."

I looked at his eyes to see utter determination reflecting back on me.

"You mean let's be brave together?"

"Yes. You have your fears so you can't stand. I have my lack of courage so I can't also stand. We have very similar circumstances, if you ask me. So, what we need to do is we need to be adults and face them."

"But the question is, how?"

"I have an idea on what to do with mine. However, for yours, we need to address your greatest fear first."

"My shrink made me realize that at the moment, it's my own shadow that I fear. I fear being around too many people, I fear their judgement, I fear the looks that they will give me. But mostly, I'm creating my own ghost, fearing things that are not there. And guilt – above all, guilt." I didn't want to elaborate on that part. Again, understanding was on Edward's eyes.

"We all have our internal battles. We just need to have the will not to make ourselves lose."

We were quiet for several minutes. I was contemplating on what his battle could be when Edward spoke again.

"I think we need to continue on with our deal. And we start by me, taking you out tomorrow. So, can I ask you out?"

At my confusion, he explained what he meant. "I mean, a real dinner at a restaurant?"

I looked at him sadly. "I can't, Edward. I still can't."

He kissed my forehead lovingly.

"We'll take it one at a time. Why don't we start by having breakfast together tomorrow? So can I ask you to have breakfast with me, Ms. Swan?"

I abruptly felt that it was my call and that I should be facing things by now. I nodded and Edward beamed.

"And I should really do something about the engagement situation."

I nodded again.

"But first, there are other situations."

I furrowed my brows. "What situations?"

Suddenly, he aligned himself atop mine and looked at me with a sexy smirk that I was growing fond of.

"Only one, actually. My 'growing' situation."

Right on cue, I felt his 'growth' and I chuckled.

"I guess it is an emergency situation."

"It is a desperate situation."

And we made love again the second time for the night, until finally; the situation has calmed down a bit.


End file.
